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53.

Day 53_Book of Hours_FULL

Yesterday I posed some questions – Where do I want to place emphasis? Where do I want to turn my attention? How do I want to remember this one life and all its memories?

There are two pieces of writing that I have referred to the most and for the longest time.  I wanted to add them today on my birthday.

As I wrote down Whitman’s preface to Leaves of Grass and Oliver’s Wild Geese into my Book of Hours, I remembered a time in my life when I wasn’t comfortable walking on grass barefoot and geese gave me the heebie jeebies. (And don’t get me started on my ongoing beef with seagulls.)  And flowers? I would get so angry if Ever-Patient bought me flowers for an occasion. I would tell him that it was a waste of money.

But last year I celebrated a different type of birthday on my birthday.  I celebrated optimism and miracles.  I followed what Whitman advised – to “re-examine” and to “dismiss” whatever insults my soul, instead embracing goodness and I turned to Oliver for permission to be and to forgive myself.  These pieces help me balance doing and being.

This year I have put myself out there.  I have also wanted to acknowledge people this year and how I have been inspired by their creativity and love of what they do.  I have been open and vulnerable here as I move into a new stage of my life and being able to look back at it all with gratitude.

As I have more faith, I want to share more.  As I share more, I become more vulnerable.  In this vulnerability, I am able to connect – with myself, with those closest to me, with people I hardly know, (and with the grass, the geese, the flowers, and even the seagulls).  In this vulnerability, I am ok with unanswered questions and being guided by feeling.  I feel a sweet release in telling my story earnestly.

Day 53_Book of Hours_Beach

Where do I want to place emphasis?

This year I want to love what I love.  I want to immerse myself in Life.  I want to be right here all the time.  I want to keep questioning and digging.  I want to laugh at myself. I want to keep sharing and opening and connecting.  I want to seize opportunities to be of service.  I want to continue to create daily.  I want to always remember that my life, in whatever shape or form it takes, wherever it leads, will always be a great poem if I love what I love.

I want to buy myself some flowers just because.

***

100 scribbles…hurriedly writing the here and now.

#100scribbles

 

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