One of the greatest gifts of this project is the deliberate practice of following my intuition.
I finally understood what Picasso meant when he said:
“To know what you’re going to draw, you have to begin drawing.”
I would show up each morning to begin my day and let it unfold. When I became clear of what my intentions were – to be present to what is in front of me and to trust in the process as long – it became easier to listen.
I write to-do lists. For the longest time, I was so frustrated with myself for not being able to check off the whole list in one day. Now I write a to-do list first thing in the morning as I remember all the things that need attending. I close my book and focus on what’s in front of me. By the end of the day, I refer to my list and often find that I can check off most if not all the boxes on my list. By being present and following my intuition, time seems to expand in places and space is made for me to complete the tasks. The trick is to really listen and always be open to dropping what I am doing if something tells me to go make that phone call I need to make at a certain moment in the day. If I ignore this feeling, I will always find this task incomplete at the end of the day.
I remember the first time it happened. As I paid attention, time opened up for me. Before breakfast, I felt that I should read a story to one child. It was a little out of the ordinary but I decided to roll with it. I read the story and she admitted that she wasn’t feeling so well when she woke up and that made her feel better. As I was present, I felt guided to complete the most ordinary things – fold the laundry, make an appointment, write an email, do the scribble, play outside, hug this child, check in on this child, do some homeschool planning, read part of this book, text a friend, etc. I attended to each task with joy and purpose no matter how small.
I have followed my intuition with when and what to share and with whom. I have found myself on my computer at times when my children don’t need my attention. The times when I continue to be on it despite a nagging feeling that I should shut it down and spend time with the children, and almost get greedy with the time on it, I pay for it through bickering children or my own impatience because they need me all of a sudden.
It has been amazing to watch my children listen to their own intuition. I have seen them grab their stomach and “check” to see how each choice feels. We have talked about that “gut feeling” as I help them make decisions with their time.
Listening and following my own is perhaps one of the greatest lessons that I am teaching them. Nothing gives me more faith in this world knowing that I will send them out with this guidance system in place. It has been a gift to recover this listening to self and to trust in what I hear.
Tomorrow…more on intuition and trusting myself as a parent.
100 scribbles…hurriedly writing the here and now.