Goodbye September.

Thank you for being a very gentle and forgiving month.  Thank you for the warm weather and for giving me sunny days when I most needed it.  Thank you for helping me say farewell to summer without regret and longing.   Thank you for days full of learning, creating, storytelling, crafting, baking, and apple fun.

The big event in our household this month was not homeschooling but the departure of #4 from our room.  It all began when she started to join bedtime story with her sisters in their room as opposed to having a separate bedtime story with me in my bed.  After the story, she came to sleep beside me and I noticed there was only a couple of “pinchies.”  I asked her about the dwindling pinches and she told me, “I only do them now for you, Mom. I don’t need them anymore.”  (Can you hear my heart breaking?)

Then one night she asked #3 if she could sleep with her.  #3 started to rhyme off some conditions like she #4 has to sleep at the foot of the bed and can’t have any of her stuffies and has to have a separate blanket, but then #3 saw the unimpressed expression on my face and relented.  But by this point #4 had already ran out of their room in tears, feeling completely rejected, and made herself comfortable in my bed again.  So I had to speak to #3 about welcoming her little sister to their room and their bed and to remind her that #2 did the same for her a few years ago.  The next day #4 tried to stay with her sisters again.  While I was putting #5 to sleep in my bed, I fully expected #4 to return to my bed once again.  She didn’t.  I came into their room to say my goodnights and she was lying in a cozy little spot surrounded by stuffies, already tucked in.  #3 said, “Mom, I prepared her spot for her and made it extra snug and extra cozy.  And she can borrow some of my stuffies until she gets more.”  #4 then said, “Can I get Reymundo too?”  #3 clutched her favourite giraffe, which she affectionately named Reymundo, and gave her a look that said, “You’re really pushing it now.”  #4 sensed that she had crossed a line and quickly said, “Never mind.  I’m ok.”  I kissed my 3 middle children goodnight that night and hugged #5 a little tighter.  The only thing that brightened my mood was hearing the 3 of them talk and giggle about their day and then telling each other “Sweet Dreams.”  Sigh.

So last week, after sleeping consistently with her sisters, she wakes up on Saturday and comes crying.  I think, oh no, she’s had a nightmare and now is coming back.  I ask her, “What’s wrong?”  Between sobs and as she is writhing on my bed, she says, “You…didn’t…put…my…clothes…in…my…sisters’…room!…Waaaa!!!”  I’ve just woken up and am feeling that I have missed out on the conversation that she had in her head 5 minutes before entering my room or she still thinks she is in the middle of a dream.  I say, “What?”  That of course makes things worse and the meltdown worsens.  After many minutes mixed with confusion and consolation, I solve the mystery.  ”Did you want to move your clothes from Mama’s room to your sister’s room?”  She stops crying and nods.  Oh, thank God.  I continue, “Well, sweetie, you never told me.”  The meltdown starts gaining momentum again, “BUT I DID!!! Mamaaaaaaaa! I told you that I want to change in my sisters’ room!”  I stop and think.  I vaguely remember her telling me yesterday morning that she wanted to change in her sisters’ room and she took her clothes and went to change with them.  Of course I didn’t know that meant move all her clothes from her dresser in our room to their closet so she could change in their room EVERY DAY after that.  Gotta love the mind of a 4-year-old.

Some nights when her sisters are too tired to talk and fall right asleep and she is wired because of an earlier nap, she will come for “visits.”  Just the other night I came into my room to put #5 to bed and had already said goodnights to the others when I noticed #2′s globe in the middle of the room.  When plugged in, the constellations glow.  As I lie down with #5, #4 saunters in and spins the globe, stops it, puts her finger on it, and says to herself, “Yup, uh-huh.”  Then she turns to me and whispers, “I just had to check to see where Africa was.”  I say goodnight again and she goes back to bed.  After #5 is asleep, I go to the washroom to wash up.  She comes in and says, “I think Q threw up because he sounded like this…”  Then she proceeds to act out in dramatic fashion what she just heard.  I say, “That sounds more like a sneeze.  But thank you for telling me.  I will check on him.  Love you and goodnight.”  She walks back down the hall, stops at #1′s room, peers in, and says, “Go to sleep! Stop reading and turn off your light!”  She turns around and gives me a look that says, “You’re welcome, Mom.”  She goes back to bed again.  Then she returns one to tell me that she has put on her contact lenses and can now see me better.  I’m figuring she is deliriously tired and is talking crazy.  I say, “That’s lovely dear.  Goodnight.”  Then she comes back one last time and says, “Goodnight Mom.  Love you. Can I give you a kiss?”  I say, “Of course.”  Then she gives me a kiss and that’s the last I see of #4 for the rest of the night.

Never a dull moment.  September was no exception.

We went bird watching at a local garden and #5 got in trouble by the groundskeeper for touching the water feature:

The groundskeeper to me: "He's getting wet!" Me: "Yeah. He does that...especially when you have a rock in the middle of a garden spewing water."

#3 and #4 made yarn apples:

#4 winding the yarn around a rectangular piece of cardboard.

You need yarn, cardboard, pipe cleaners, and a willingness to wind yarn.

Done!

#4 and #5 played with our felt board.  I found cheap felt-like material at IKEA and used double-sided tape and taped it to an MDF board.  Then the girls and I cut out a bunch of shapes to help us tell our story of the week:  The Three Apples.  I also used the little red apples for counting and songs.

#5 setting up the felt board.

Setting up the apple tree to say our apple verse...

Then getting ready to pick the apples from the tree! #4 and #5 played this game for quite awhile. (And yes, he's wearing Christmas jammies during the day.)

We sculpted with beeswax during and after storytime.

#2 sculpted this golden apple while I told the story of "The Three Apples."

I drew a lot of chalkboard drawings and each time #3 had fun trying to guess what my story would be about and what letters we would be learning about.

"S" is for stream.

"T" is for tree (and tent).

"V" is for valley.

#4 made playdough.  #5 ate some.  #3 couldn’t focus on her work and played with playdough.  #2 filmed #3 doing a cooking show using the playdough.

#4's request: purple playdough.

Playdough + Household Items = Hours of fun.

Since it was an apple-themed month for us, what better way to celebrate it with a trip to the apple orchards.  But of course, before we did that, we had to make apple-picking bags.  And of course, making apple-picking bags meant apple stamping!  (I messed up and didn’t have red fabric paint!!  So I tried to use red ink, but that was a disaster – the apple didn’t absorb any of the ink.  So we settled for some pretty modern-looking patterns which turned out better than I thought…)

I each gave them a piece of canvas and they stamped away using fabric paint. I cut the apples in half through the middle to reveal the "star" and I also cut them length-wise.

#3 stamping in green.

As they stamped, I talked about patterns just in case they wanted to stamp in a pattern.

#3's final pattern for her bag.

After the 3 were done stamping, we let them dry and then I used them for the flaps of their apple picking/messenger bags.  I used a free template from here.

#2 stamping away. She wasn't entirely happy with her green apples...and her final design ended up being so cool...

One black silhouette in the bottom left corner of the flap and her green apples lined up on the top.

#2 posing with her new apple-picking/messenger bag.

#3's bag. I used canvas for fabric and red and white striped fabric is the heavier-weighted cotton from IKEA. (It's the same one I used to make their Christmas stockings.) The bag is lined with the same canvas.

The width of both #2 and #3′s bags are slightly narrower than what the pattern calls for (#2 wanted a more rectangle look than square).  And #4′s is much smaller so that she isn’t struggling to carry a heavy weight (or pass the bag on to me to carry!).

The mini-version.

#4 and her bag in action at the orchard.

We enjoyed a spectacular day at Avalon Orchards.  We went with our homeschooling group and lucked out on the weather and a wonderful program at a reasonable cost.  There was a wagon ride, 3lbs of free apples, a hike on a woodland trail and a free cup of cider.  We were able to have lunch on picnic tables, go on another hike, and do some more picking in the afternoon except for #5…

...who played "apple stick-ball."

The orchard and the wagon.

#2 eating and counting her stash.

#4 enjoying the fruits of her labours. Literally.

#3 securing her free 3lbs of Liberty apples.

A photo by #1 of her view looking up during our hike on the woodland trail.

"Don't throw! It's not a baseball!"

Finally, getting the hang of it.

How do you like them apples? And that's why we have 5 kids. I didn't have to pick a single apple...

As soon as we got home, they wanted to stamp apples again so I set up some canvas again and they went apple -stamping crazy again.

Then the next day, we made some apple pomanders.  I got the idea from this post and it was perfect timing since I had just finished reading  ”Little House in The Big Woods” with #2.  The kids all sat around the table making these homemade air fresheners (except #5 who wanted to throw the apples across the room).

After perusing all the pictures this month, I can’t believe how much we’ve done.  Although it looks like we were very busy, I never felt rushed or hurried (except when sewing up those apple bags the night before our apple picking trip).  Some days went according to plan and on others, we were flexible – like the morning, I decide to give #5 a bowl of water and cups to use to pour.  I thought this would buy me at least 20 minutes to get the rest of the girls started on their lessons.  But no, as soon as I put the bowl in front of him, he picks it up and dumps it on his head.  He is soaked and smiling.  He looks up at me and touches his clothes and says, “Wet.”  Sigh.  I tell the girls, “Ok guys.  Time for some free play – how many ways can we use this scarf? And…go!”

Maybe we’ll try the bowl of water thing again in October.  Or not.

We just finished our 3rd week of the kids being at home while most kids are at school.  I always hesitate to use the term “homeschool” because it really doesn’t feel like “school” at all.  Most days it just feels like a Sunday afternoon in July with some activities thrown into the mix.

There are few things that I have noticed as we have developed a new family rhythm:

It is IMPERATIVE that I get up before the children. Even if it’s only 20 minutes before they wake up, I need the quiet to visualize the day unfolding, to take deep breaths, and to meditate on what is essential and what is non-essential.

We must go for a morning walk after breakfast. One day we walked for 45 minutes and then the next day we walked for 10 minutes.  When they start moving their bodies, they are less groggy and lazy.  Playgrounds are frequently empty in the mornings and doing a story and circle time at the playground or at the park works best.  Though #3 will frequently ask, “Can I go do the monkey bars now?  My calluses are better!”  (She has been addicted to swinging on monkey bars lately, begging to visit different playgrounds in the neighbourhood.  We’ll be driving in the car and she’ll spot monkey bars and yell, “Monkey Bars!! I haven’t done those ones! Please, can we stop?!?”)  I also find that doing #3′s lessons outside are more successful as she loves the outdoors.  Indoors, her favourite line is: “Can I take a break and go outside?”

The only issue we have is that #2 is a homebody and HATES the morning walks, at least the first 20 minutes of being outside.  She moans and groans until the fresh air lifts her morning mood and basically evaporates her inner Eeyore.

All of us heading out on our walk.

Morning lessons at the playground: #3 and "M."

Morning lessons at the playground: #2 doing some math.

#3 starting her "line" and "curve" lesson outdoors.

Storytelling is one of their favourite things. I memorize a story that is geared for #4 each week which I tell to all of them during our circle time.  Then I re-tell it each day during circle time adding props and then by the end of week, they all know the story so well that they act it out together.  I also memorize 2 Grimms FairyTale stories each week for #3.  I tell them just to her (although #2 likes to listen in) and we draw a picture from that story incorporating a letter.  For example, I told her the story, “Simeli Mountain,” and we drew a mountain with the letter ‘M’ embedded in it.  I had done a chalkboard drawing of mountains before she had come down for breakfast:

M is for Mountain.

I asked her what letter she thought we would be talking about that day:

Me:  ”Good morning!  Take a look at the board.  Do you see what letter we are going to work on today?”

#3 scrutinized the picture on the board, then her eyes widened as if a light bulb had just gone off in her head:  ”Oh, I know, R!  R for river!”

Me:  ”Nope, try again.”

#3 again scrutinized the picture again:  ”Oh, I got it!  T! T for trees?”

Me: “Try again.”

At this point in time, #2 is losing her mind.  The “river” and “trees” I drew don’t resemble any type of letter.  In fact, they are part of the background, barely visible.   I can tell she is dying to blurt out the answer and is so frustrated with her sister.  So I help #3 out and outline the ‘M’ in the picture of the mountains.

#3:  ”Oh! Mountain! Um, what does mountain start with again?”

Thud.  #2′s head hits the table.

#3:  ”Can I take a break and go outside?”

Me:  ”Honey, your lessons haven’t started yet.  You haven’t even had breakfast.”

#3 gets her share of stories too.  She’s working on a calendar so I told her a story called the “12 Seasons.”  I also tell her different math stories involving her gnomes.

Handwork is another favourite thing. Sewing and making things in general with their hands are very popular in our house.  I planned an activity for #4 where she made her own memory game by cutting squares out of strips of paper.  I had pre-marked where she would cut along the strip.  She then glued the sides of the two different-patterned squares.  I drew various pairs of apple-themed images on the squares:

#4 cutting out her squares and placing them in her little basket.

#4 playing her new memory game.

A match!

Since #4 wouldn’t let any of her sisters play her new game, #2 decided to make her own memory game that afternoon – but using fabric.  She measured and cut out equal-sized squares from canvas, and stamped pairs of images.  She realized that you could see the image on the backside of the canvas so she cut same-sized squares out of scrap fabric and sewed them on the other side using the sewing machine to the back of the canvas:

Finished!

I must have an activity planned for #5 (separate from #4 I have quickly learned) otherwise I have this at my feet all morning:

"Mama, up! Mama! Mamaaaaaaaaaaa!"

So, while I was getting the others going with painting, he was doing this:

(#4:  ”Mama, look!  He’s cleaning the board and he doesnt’t even know it! Ha ha!”)

Free play is an absolute necessity for our daily rhythm. The kids decided to play choo-choo train – #5′s favourite game.  #3 yells, “All aboard!” and they all scramble for seats.  They sing a train song and then each one gets a turn deciding where the train travels to – Italy, The Beach, Mt. Everest, Mars, etc.

#5 breaking 2 train rules: 1. No standing on the train while it's in motion. 2. You can't be shirtless.

Conversation between #4 and I shortly after above pic was taken:

Me:  ”Why is there a scarf over your face?  Oh, let me guess, you’re the sun shining brightly on the train?”

#4:  ”No, mama!  I just got my face painted on the mountain top!”

Me:  ”Of course.”

Outdoor time affects everyone positively. Whether we are out for a morning walk or at a deserted beach with our homeschool group, the kids absolutely LOVE being outside.  Correction:  With exception of #2 who takes a few minutes to get used to being outside, the kids absolutely LOVE being outside.  The kids and I feel wonderful after a whole day outdoors.  It’s also our “science” day.  For example, #2 discovered a fossil the last time we were at the beach and #4 tried to teach #3 all about gravity as she almost pushed #3 off a rock a few metres above a stream with a strong current.  I watched as #4 continuously tried to shove her sister off – it’s like watching waves splash against solid rock.  Why did she push?  I asked her and she said:  ”Because she wouldn’t move out of my way when I asked!”  Then I asked, “Did you say excuse me please?”  #4 nodded yes and then #3 interrupted and said in a wounded voice, “She screamed it in my face.”  #4 retorted:  ”But I said PLEASE didn’t I?”  So in the end , #4 inadvertently learned the concept of inertia and mass:  a more massive object has a greater tendency to resist changes in its state of motion.  I didn’t appreciate how she learned this lesson so I made them both hold hands and sing a nice song to each other then and there:

Make new friends but keep the old

One is silver and the other’s gold

A circle’s round, it has no end

That’s how long I want to be your friend.

Then as soon as you know it, they are once again picking flowers together and #3 is helping #4 along a log that acts as a bridge over the little stream.

#2 is under the umbrella at the beach. She says it is too sunny and wants to go home. We've only been at the beach for 7 minutes.

Before raging at #3, #4 climbs large pieces of driftwood at the beach.

#3 exploring the beach in borrowed waders.

#5 enjoying his lunch at the beach.

Big man is still enjoying his lunch.

#5 is back at work, exploring the waterways.

After about an hour and half, #2 emerges and looks for shells and fossils in solitude. This is her enjoying herself immensely. Seriously.

A family rhythm is essential for my sanity. I need some structure.  Some.  This is important so that everyone knows what to expect throughout the day and the week.  The children get up with the sun and go down with the sun.  This does not change unless we are at special events.  I have begun to limit our attendance at events just to keep our nice rhythm going.  When the sun goes down, everything else does:  activity, noise, lights, and the kids.  As dusk approaches, they automatically begin winding down through the way they speak to the way they move (except for #3 who still to this day does not know the difference between an indoor voice and an outdoor voice).  No one is allowed to come downstairs after PJs are on and in the morning, no one is allowed downstairs until they are changed and have brushed their teeth.  Weekdays and weekends.  We hold hands and say a blessing before each meal.  Mornings are for walks and lessons and afternoons are for quiet time, handwork, and reading.  There can be small changes here and there in our schedule but it is roughly the same each day so there are no surprises and less meltdowns.

If the children had a particularly busy weekend or if I had a rough night with #5, we adjust the day.  It becomes more about breathing in – staying close to mom.  One day in the summer, I was up all night and was exhausted and did not want to leave my bed.  I told the kid that it was pajama day and that we were going to gather every cushion, pillow, and blanket  in the house and make a fort on my bed.  #3 squealed with delight and asked, “Even the couch cushions?”  Of course.  So we ate an easy breakfast of cereal and fruit and I heated up my go-to emergency lunch: chicken nuggets and carrots.  We read some books.  I made up some stories and planned our adventure in our fort – you couldn’t step on the floor, only on the path of scarves I laid out to the washroom.  After I started to get drowsy, they watched a movie on my laptop so #5 and I could take a little nap.  I made some popcorn and they were set.  I felt a little less guilty because it happened to be raining that day.  When we all talk about our favourite moments of this summer, they all mention the day we built a fort in my bed.

I LOVE being with my children. When strangers/friends/family ask how I can cope with being with the kids all day and all night (#5 is still nursing), I tell them how much I love it.  I LOVE IT.  It’s hard to believe how much easier it is with them home than when they were at school.  It’s a lovely little paradox.  The more they are with me, the less they need me.  I know, it’s a tough one to understand.  Because they know that I am with them each and every day, they don’t need to fight for my attention every second they are with me.  When time with me was limited, like only being able to be with me after school and on weekends, it was cuckoo.  Everyone had to have a piece of me, as if they’d never get a chance to spend time with me.  Now, everyone knows that they get a turn with me each day.  They know that I will spend some time doing lessons individually and they can access Ever-Patient and I in the afternoons at anytime.

And, we are never in a rush.  Some of our days really do feel like a Saturday afternoon in July.  I have time to really talk and listen to each of them without being in a hurry.  I can try to answer their questions in detail.  We can follow where our curiosity takes us like when #2 asked how starfish eat and we spent an entire afternoon looking it up on the Internet (it’s pretty cool if you are curious) and looking at different varieties of starfish.  She then spent time making some starfish stuffies out of felt.  We have time to chat with our neighbours and do chores together.

#1 basting her quilt on one of her days off. #5 is just realizing how soft the quilt feels underfoot...

#5 at full speed, doing laps on the quilt much to #1's chagrin. Never a dull moment in our house.

I thought I would wake up some days and think to myself, “Oh no, they’re home again.”  But I don’t.  Each day I wake up and think, “Yay! They’re home again!”  Another day of singing, storytelling, laughing, crafting, reading, talking, and just being – together.

Winter may be a different story.  Bah!  I’ll just stock up on hot chocolate and marshmallows and build a fort in my bed…

(Sorry for the delay in posting this…I know I promised it would be up on Monday but looking at all the pictures and at my journal, there was just sooooo much good stuff. )

The First Day

Ever-Patient and I woke up at about 5am on Tuesday, September 6.  This will be our new ‘thing.’  Waking up at the crack of dawn to prepare for our day and to have tea together.  After checking email, I exercise and begin my prep.  I touchbase with Ever-Patient about our schedules for that day and what we both have planned and see if there are any conflicts.  Remember, we have one car.  Then he works on his computer and I review what I plan to do that day with the kids.  At about 7am, he starts breakfast and I do a chalkboard drawing for them to wake up to.  And just when I hear some stirrings upstairs,  I say a little prayer, mostly asking for patience, and then I send my good intentions out there to the universe.

The girls sitting under the apple tree on the first day.

The perfectionist in me says that I should have wiped down the blackboard of all the chalkdust residue before drawing the tree but in reality, no one cared so I’ve let that go.  There are 5 apples on the tree and a mama bird watching over them.  The largest one apple is the one that is closest to the ground and is almost falling off the tree which represents #1.  The smallest and highest one on the tree is #5.  The girls loved the story of the tree and which apples they were on the tree.  I also mentioned to them that the apples look like hearts which represents how much we love them.  That was a hit.

The board also had a “Welcome to Gr. insert number here” message and a “Good Luck in Gr. 8″ message for #1 as she was going to attend an alternative school part-time – 3.5 days/week.  I also made them presents and introduced some blessings and verses to recite this year – kind of like a theme for their year.

For #1, I made her a lunch bag for school inspired by this bag.  But instead of using fabric that had lines on it, I stitched in blue for the lines on blank canvas:

Sorry for the blurriness.

I used a bull clip to close the bag and for that "school" feel.

I stamped “ADVENTURE. EXPLORE. STUDY. INVESTIGATE. WANDER.” on the front of the bag.  I left room for her to write or stamp on the bag as she pleased.  I was laughing so hard the night before as she scurried around trying to find a lunch bag and I told her to just use a shopping bag.  She just gave me a mortified look.

For her, I found this parting blessing in Shea Darian’s book Seven Times The Sun:

Open wide the door to morning

Take love as you depart;

Walk gently on the earth

With kindess in your heart.

Open wide the door to morning

Take courage as you go

Stand for the small and helpless

Work for the good to grow.

Open wide the door to morning

Take beauty as a clay,

And mold an act of thankfulness

For the blessing of this day.

I thought this was a nice reminder for her to be kind and thoughtful throughout the day and to approach every situation with gratitude and openness.  I read it to her and she gave me a look that said, “I have to say this? Really? Every time I go?”  And I smiled and said, “Just try.”  I figure that it may seem hokey at first but it will, whether she is aware of it or not, settle somewhere inside her and do some good.

For #2, I made her a pencil crayon roll for the good quality jumbo pencil crayons that she will be using for her main lesson work:

Loving her pretty new pencil crayons.

This is her verse to inspire her this year from this curriculum:

May wisdom shine through me

May love grow in me

May strength penetrate me

That in me may arise

A helper of all Creation

A servant of Sacred Things

Selfless and true.

Let me backtrack a little bit.  My homeschooling is largely Waldorf-based.  You can find a brief summary here and some links to articles and Carrie’s blog, The Parenting Passageway, gives further examples of Waldorf philosophy put into practice.  I was only introduced to Waldorf a couple of years ago when #2 and #3′s school adopted some of the teaching methods and am still reading on the philosophy in general.  I make no claims that I am an expert or that I will adhere to a strict Waldorf approach.  All I know is that there are many aspects about it that has resonated with myself and the kids and I am still learning.

I love that it is child-led meaning that you teach/guide to where the child is right now – developmentally speaking.  You build slowly.  They live in their imagination and a “dream-like” state for a long time – no rushing childhood through by forcing reading, writing, and other academic pursuits.  I love that it’s also a life philosophy.  Media and materialism is either entirely eliminated or kept to a minimum and outdoor education is vital.  So, we cancelled cable.  We do have a movie night every Friday or Saturday and the kids do watch some TV when they are with their grandparents.  We have been without it for about 7 months now and the kids don’t ask for it and spend the day playing together or we go outside.  I think this is also the reason why Ever-Patient and I can go to bed at a decent hour and wake up at 5am.  The absence of live sports has been rough – especially now that football season has started and we are both in football pools.  So we adapt.  We visit our parents every Sunday…and trying to figure out how to bring kids into a sports bar on Monday nights…

Back to our first day…I wanted to mark Gr. 3 with a gift of pencil crayons as she already has her block crayons/stick crayons from Gr.1 & Gr.2 which brings me to #3′s gift:

#3's new crayon roll.

We did a little ceremony for her as Gr. 1 is a major milestone.  We had a lot of one-on-one time as I welcomed her to first grade.  I handed her a flower for her vase which will sit beside her during her lessons and we talked about all the exciting things we would be doing this year.  She came through the door after our morning walk and jumped across the threshold making her transition into first grade complete.  She was very proud.

Here is her verse:

The Sun with loving light

Makes bright for me each day

The soul with spirit power

Gives strength unto my limbs

In sunlight shining bright

I reverence o God

The strength of humankind

Which thou so graciously

Has planted in my soul

That I with all my might

May love to work and learn

From thee comes light and strength

To thee rise love and thanks!

(Yes, there is reference to “God” and after much soul-searching and answering some difficult spirituality questions this summer, I do believe in a higher being which I have no problem referring to as God.  My real problems were with organized religion and judgements made by other human beings.  As we spent most of our time outdoors this summer, I have many times felt a “something is so so much greater than me” feeling that I can’t dismiss.)

#4′s gift was something that she had been waiting for:

#4 and her new apron in her favourite colours: pink and purple.

When playing pretend and helping out in the kitchen, she was always borrowing one of her sister’s aprons which are too big for her and always hard for her to tie by herself.  So I came across this free apron pattern which is perfect for my miss independent.  It’s Montessori-based meaning that she can get it on herself – the neck has elastic in it so she can pop it over her head and the waistband just comes across her back and she can velcro it herself!  Add the fact that it now lives on a hook that she can reach, and now she can grab it for baking, painting, cleaning, sculpting, etc.  For #4, her everyday looks like my everyday.  She is my shadow, assisting me each day:

Monday: cleaning/tidying/folding laundry

Tuesday: baking/cooking

Wednesday:  outdoor hike/outing in a.m or p.m

Thursday: crafts

Friday: painting

After we did our little first day celebration, we all went for a morning walk.  While everyone was out rushing to school, backpacks (and children) in tow, we took a leisurely stroll to our local market where the children spoke to the farmers, tasted peaches, and picked their greens for the week.

At the market picking out some fresh bread.

#2 opening #5's honey stick at the market...One of their favourite stalls is "The Honey Lady."

#2 and #3 sharing their weekly market smoothie.

We gave hugs and kisses to #1 as she went off to school and to Ever-Patient who hopped on his bike to go to work.  The four little ones and I headed back home to begin our day.  Circle time included some seasonal songs, poems and fingerplays geared toward #4 and I told a short story, “The Sleeping Apple”, a German folktale. Then I gave #4 her chore chart and she took her cleaning caddy and began her to-dos.

#2 wrote in her daily weather journal and copied some seasonal poems in her poetry book while I began with #3.  Her weather journal is not a scientific one.  I’d like her to just use her senses to observe what’s happening in the sky – the colour of it, the types of clouds she may or may not see, whether or not the sun is out.  I ask her about how she feels – does she have goosebumps? Does she feel the wind touch her cheek?  Is there a hint of warmth or a chill from the wind she feels? Is her hair blowing a certain direction?  Is it T-shirt or long-sleeve weather?  What does she hear?  Slowly, I’ll introduce temperature with an outdoor thermometer and some homemade weather measurement devices as the year goes by.    For now, I want her to just feel it.

#3 working independently on her bench.

For #3, I told her a story from this curriculum where there is a little girl turning 7 years old who is about to embark on a journey to receive a gift from a wise enchantress.  She completely identified with it saying, “Hey, that’s just like me!”  I used a couple of points in the story to talk about line and curve. As she begins to write more this year, it’s important that she realizes that all forms are made up of either lines, curves, or a combination of both.  I drew some on the chalkboard and on her back and she drew some in the air and on my back.  She drew some with her fingers in the sand and used some beeswax to make both forms.  Then I placed a jump rope on the floor and played with its shape and she walked either the line or curve on the floor.  (#4 and #5 quickly joined in at this point).  We drew some with our feet.  We made a straight and curved line with our bodies.  Then she was ready to draw some in her main lesson book – straight lines and curves.  Then her first day was done and she went to play.

#3 preparing to do some lines and curves.

#4 and #5 were not quite ready to play with #3 and still wanted my attention so I set them up with a little sorting activity so I could start my lesson with #3:

A jar of different coloured and sized beads + a muffin tin = good times.

First #4 sorted them by colour and then realized she had enough tins to further sort them by size – I never gave her parameters for this activity.  I just gave them the jar and the muffin tin and said, “Please sort the beads for mama.”  #5 started to mess up her little piles so I grabbed him another muffin tin.  He basically gave me a look that said, “Screw sorting!” and started to try to chuck the beads into the tins.  He loved the way they bounced out and gave a little cheer when one made it in.  He’d scream, “Score!”

The fruits of #4's labours.

#5 making towers out of our homemade block crayons and #4 using the broken pieces as puzzle pieces as she reassembles them.

With #3, we did some form drawing.  Here is a great blog post introducing it for those of you who are unfamiliar with it.  She didn’t do a lot of it in school so I want to her to begin with it every day.  It’s also very therapeutic and a way for her to centre herself before doing other work.  I introduced the four math processes as four math gnomes named Plus, Minus, Times, and Divide.  I told a little story about the Kingdom of Jewels and King Equals.  She loved the stories and immediately started playing with the piles of jewels.

#3 copying her main lesson verse into her book.

Although I have main lesson plans for #2 and #3, I don’t force it on them if they are not in the mood.  I’ll switch up our day or our week depending on the weather, their disposition, or if we need an in-breath type of activity (quiet) or an out-breath (active).  I stop.  I feel.  I listen.  I observe what they need at that particular moment or what they may or not be open to.  The great thing about being at home is that we are on no rigid schedule and learning can take place anytime.  They can also find times throughout the day to play together:

#3, #4, and #5 planning a pirate adventure while I am working with #3.

The three used our bucket of corks and #4′s block crayons for treasure while #3 worked on a treasure map.  Then I quickly made some paper pirate hats and eye patches for my little pirates.  #3 couldn’t resist joining in the fun:

On the pirate ship, reading the map, searching for treasure. (#5 is steering the ship...and when you ask him what pirates say he says: "Aarrgghh!!!"

Then it was lunchtime and the kids put away their beautiful supplies and lesson books.  After lunch, there would be quiet play, handwork, and reading with dad (#2 is reading this and Ever-Patient is reading this to #3).

Handwork: #4 practicing sewing on canvas using an embroidery hoop, embroidery floss, and plastic needles.

Handwork: #3 sewing a mini felt starfish stuffy.

#3 finishing up her work for the day copying down a weather poem for the title page of her weather journal.

And that wraps up our first day.

More on our first weeks coming soon….

Home sweet home.

I have never felt so at home in my home.

This past week was our first week of homeschooling and that is the best way to describe how I felt – at home. I’ve felt this way all summer too with the kids being with me almost 24-7  - no camps except for The Big One’s away camp during the last week of summer.  (FYI:  #1 will be referred to as “The Big One” from time to time since she is now taller than me – scary, I know.)  I love our tiny little home but looking back this week, I also felt at home at the park, at the grocery store, on our early morning family walks, and even at #1′s volleyball tryouts which were in a crowded gym with the most unflattering lighting.   I even felt at home in the middle of the forest during one of our nature outings with our homeschooling group as we were eaten alive by hundreds of mosquitoes.  So at home.

Ever-Patient frequently refers to me as “home.” I really never understood this reference.  I also never understood the saying, “Home is where the heart is.”  I just thought it was a hokey quote that was burnished onto those cheesy wooden signs people bought  at the flea market to put in their foyer to go with their angel-shaped pot pourri holder.  But now I get it.  Wherever the 7 of us are, it is home.  When I am with the kids, I am home.

Sometimes I want to run away from home.  Don’t we all?  Don’t we all think the grass is greener at times?  Sometimes I lose sight of the big picture and get caught up in unrealistic expectations and plans going awry.  Sometimes I am inflexible and focus on what is going wrong and what is irritating me.  Sometimes home, i.e. with them, is not where I want to be.  Then things calm down.  Life straightens itself out as it normally does, as if I clicked my red ruby slippers and said, “There’s no place like home.”

Now that we are spending a lot more time at home all together, I am treating our house as our 8th family member.  This may sound absurd but I sweep with a smile and mop with a gentler rhythm.  I don’t huff and puff as I tidy or growl at the kids to put away their things.   I am trying not to engage in chore work begrudgingly or with frustration but with mindfulness and a presence that it is as important and vital work as Ever-Patient’s work is outside the home.  Life has been made easier now that I remind everyone that everything should have a home.  If it doesn’t, say goodbye and move on.  We only have 1100 square feet to work with people!

I’ve also noticed how much the kids feel at home being homeschooled.  #2′s eczema has disappeared.  Her nervous gestures have evaporated.  She goes up to strangers and asks questions!  (Every week we go to the market and she goes by herself to the “honey lady” and buys her honey sticks using her money.)  #3 and #4 have played every make-believe scenario imaginable this week – from “neighbours” where they both have a set of real keys and pretend they live next door to each other on our 2nd floor and just keep “locking” their doors and then knocking on each other’s doors for tea to “pirates” where they thundered downstairs, interrupting my lesson with #2, demanding eye-patches immediately because they were pirates.

#3:  ”Arrgh, I am Captain One-Eye Jack, the meanest pirate in all the seas!!! Arrrrgh!!!”

Then in a whisper:  ”Mom, it’s me!  Can you make me an eye patch please? Thanks and I love you!”

#3 (back in character): “Arrrggh!”

Pirates sailing on the open seas, searching for....a treasure map. No, not treasure. Apparently, they need to hunt down a map first. Logical.

"Arrggghhhh!!!"

#5 has been loving every minute with his sisters – following them around.  #3 and #4 frequently use him as props in their narratives:

#3:  ”Ok, so you’re Bethany.”  (points at #5) “You’re my little sister.”

#4: “Can he just be the steering wheel for our pirate ship?”

#1 has started school but is very flexible with her hours so she has been home a lot this week working on her quilt:

#1 working on her quilt and #2 working on her fabric memory cards.

My new definition of happiness:  Happiness isn’t a static point or blip in your life’s radar.  There are ups and downs and really awful crappy times.  But if you step back and you notice the overall trend and you feel at home with your life, then there it is.

(A post on what we did the  first week of homeschooling will be up on Monday…some funny stuff.)

It’s been awhile.

I was talking to a good friend who mentioned something interesting that struck a chord in me.  It was in reference to the whole scrapbooking trend.  I’m paraphrasing but the gist is to stop documenting and just LIVE.  Forget the pictures, the journalling, the blogging.  LIVE.  LIVE IT UP.

So…that’s what I’ve been doing.  LIVING LIFE TO ITS ABSOLUTE FULLEST.

I started to feel pressured to document.  If I didn’t document every detail of their birthday celebration, I was the worst mother ever.  What?  If I didn’t take a million pictures at every angle of them blowing out candles, would the birthday not have existed at all?  Please.  I felt that I needed to take pictures of EVERYTHING.  And when I mean EVERYTHING, I mean EVERYTHING.  Every day.  Every outing.  I carried the camera everywhere, afraid I would miss THE perfect shot.  And even with the camera, I missed the shot.  I missed the random hugs between siblings, the backward glance with the twinkle in the eye, and the jovial exchanges of an inside joke I didn’t get.  I tried to recreate the candid.  I tried to orchestrate precious moments between the kids only to look at the shot and see rolled eyes, heads purposely turned away, half-hearted hugs and my favourite – the stinky faces.  They groaned when the camera came out and when I ran for my journal to record the spontaneous gestures and silly conversations.  It became so contrived.  While everyone else was enjoying the day at the beach, the nature hike, or the ordinary day at home, I was looking for the perfect light and running for the camera.

I decided to take a break and just enjoy my life.  This life that is going too fast.  This life where the kids are accomplishing mini-milestones daily.  #3 can tie her shoes.  #5 can talk in sentences.  #2 stayed over at friend’s for the first time.  #1 went on her first solitary subway ride.  #4 listened the FIRST time I asked her to do something.  You can ask me what we did this summer and I will say, “I have no idea but it was one of the BEST summers ever.”  And I’m ok with that.  I may not remember every tender incidence or cute remark but I will remember the feelings.  I feel grateful and blessed that I was able to be home with my children this summer and just watch them.  I watched them explore the outdoors during our first family camping trip.  I watched them find a beautiful rhythm together at home since none of them were signed up for any camps this summer with the exception of the eldest who is currently away and very missed.  This summer was filled with feelings of calm, peace, and gratitude – no rushing, no stress, no hard schedules except for going to bed with the sun and rising with it.  Yes, 3 of them played sports but nothing too intense.  It was more like easy days at the beach and at the soccer fields.  There were also feelings of pride – mostly in myself for not making a fuss for the perpetual mounds of sand I would sweep off the floor or when I found such content in having an “ordinary” day at home or when I would acknowledge a need for a day in bed and invite the kids to join me without feeling an ounce of guilt.

Life has been SO good with them.  I also was able to put life into perspective when a good friend received awful news concerning her health – so unimaginable but so close to home.  I started to worry less and live more.  I let the kids swim in the lake for goodness sake.  Crazy!  (Of course, only when the beach hotline reported next to nothing e.coli levels.)  I trust that everything will be ok even when it seems like it isn’t.

So why blog now?  Why not just shut it down and stop documenting all together?

Because it’s different now.  I’m not blogging or documenting because I feel like I have to or I will not remember a thing or the kids will never know how much I love them.  I’m doing it because I love to write.  Because I love to write about what we do and how I do it.  So I may not write daily, weekly, or even monthly.  I make no commitment only that I will write from my heart when I need to.  One of the biggest decisions we’ve made is that we are now homeschooling the kids (with the exception of the oldest who will be attending school part-time).  I want to document what works and what doesn’t so I can adjust accordingly and be somewhat organized.  But I won’t be a slave to it or feel I have to blog every craft, every lesson, or every celebration.

So I’m back.  Kind of.

P.S.  Though I’m already re-considering as during the writing of this post, #5 almost fell down the stairs, at least 2 fights have erupted, and breakfast is getting cold…life goes on…

She’s 13 today (gulp).

My first-born.  My eldest daughter.  My little girl.

I have no words.  Words aren’t flowing easily today.  As I look back on the last 13 years, I am flooded with memories.  I can see the images, like faded photographs, but there are too many for words.  As I look back on the last 13 years, I am flooded with emotion.  I can feel the joy, the fear, the happiness, the disappointment, and every feeling in between – so raw and fresh as if I were there in those moments again, but the feelings overwhelm me before I can even try to articulate them with words.  As I look back on the last 13 years, I am flooded with thoughts of the future.  I can sense that time keeps moving although I wish I could hold on to it by its coattails and dig my heels into the ground but then I also think that I am more than capable of swimming with this flowing current of change and transition and again, I am at a loss for words.

I want to say everything and nothing to her: my first-born, my eldest daughter, my little girl.

The nostalgic part of me wants to sit with her and reminisce.  I want to live in the past for a little while.  I want her to hear the story of her birth again.  I want to close my eyes and hold her curled up in my arms imagining her at 3 months, 1 year, 2 years, 3 years…all the way up to the present moment, picturing her grow inside my arms until I can no longer contain her.  I want to go back to all the places she has lived and remember the details – where we used to sit by the window and wait for Ever-Patient to come home, where we used to play outside, and where our family began.  There is so much I want her to remember.  Just too many words.

The pragmatic part of me wants to overload her with information about adolescence and drown her with cautionary tales about the perils of teenage-dom.  I want to prepare and equip her for the upcoming maelstrom that she will have to navigate for the next 6 years.  There’s so much I want to say:  Always have lip balm on you.  Hydrate.  Never define yourself with other people’s definitions (especially a boy’s).  Better yet, screw the definitions.  Keep a ponytail on your wrist at all times.  Follow your gut.  Follow your bliss.  Speak up.  Live.  Let live.  I am always here.  Take calculated risks.  And so much more…

There’s too much and not enough to say to her:  my first-born, my eldest daughter, my little girl.

As I grasp for the right words to say, I suddenly recall Khalil Gibran’s poem “On Children“:

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

My search for words is exactly that: my search.  I have been so preoccupied with what I want for her.

My first-born.  My eldest daughter.  My little girl.

But she doesn’t belong to me.  She is not me.  She is not my possession.  My will is not hers.  She has the starring role in her own life and I can only fulfill a role that supports her.  I can choose to lament over how fast this little girl has grown or I can choose to simply honour the individual she is becoming by embracing her separateness from me while still maintaining a connection that had originally started in utero with the umbilical cord.  Our  deepening connection will now be through emotion and experience as she continues to discover who she is.

As she makes the transition into young adulthood, I will listen to her words and not try to bend them to match mine.  I will encourage her to find the words when she feels that she can’t and resist the impulse to fill in all the blanks with my  own vocabulary.  I will be a safe place for her to use her words – even her angry ones.  I will be patient when she forgets that I am a safe place and keeps silent.  I will make my words simple to keep my messages succinct and meaningful, resisting the temptation to give unsolicited advice and unnecessary critiques.  I will say the words “I Love You” more than ever.  Finally, during those times where there are no words between us, I will extend my arms each and every time even when I know that she may turn her back and walk away.

***

Dear #1:

Happy Birthday.  I love you.

“Dig into yourself…Go into yourself and find out how deep is the place from which your life springs; at its source, you will find the answer to your question… ” - Rainer Maria Wilke

I’m still holding on baby…but now with some space in between.

- Mama

What were you doing at 2am last night?

Most of you were probably deep into your REM sleep, lost in your dreams.  I thought I was dreaming when I heard a tiny voice say, “Tissue please.”  I think I may have mumbled something to which the tiny voice commanded again but with more urgency, “TISSUE PLEASE!!”  #4, who frequently sleep talks, was demanding a tissue.  Totally disoriented, I said something along the lines of “Huh?”  She replied quite matter-of-factly, “I have a booger” and by the light of the moon, I see a tiny finger shoot up in the air.  And again, she repeats, “Tissue please.”  I pass the tissue, she wipes her finger, she passes the tissue to me, and I put it on the table beside me.  #4 falls back asleep and I am now WIDE AWAKE.

Such is my life.  I cannot remember the last time I slept for more than a 4-hour stretch.  I wake up to nurse.  I wake up because my arm is being pulled out of it’s socket to be pinched.  I wake up to coughing fits – sometimes I wake from the sounds of a phlegmy, wet cough which can turn into a throwing-up incident and sometimes I wake from someone coughing into my face.  I wake up to crying because of nightmares, someone pulling the blanket, someone falling off the bed, or someone wanting to nurse when I can no longer nurse another straight hour.  I wake up to the sound of “I’m thirsty” and “Sorry, Mom.  I had an accident” (often in that order).  I wake up when I am sandwiched between children or being pushed to the edge of my bed by a tiny little 20lb boy.  I wake up to the 5am alarm of Ever-Patient the moment I finally fall into my deep sleep of the night/morning.

So after the “Booger Wake-Up Call,”  I am up from 2am to 5am.  I probably should have done a load of laundry or completed this blog post or mopped the floors.  I should have responded to all the emails that I have been meaning to respond to.  But I didn’t.  I stayed in my bed and entertained a million thoughts.  Here are some of them:

• I really need to fall asleep. Like right now.  If I shut my eyes tight enough, maybe I’ll fall asleep.  (I shut my eyes tight).  Nope, that didn’t work, now I just have a headache.
• If I don’t fall asleep, tomorrow will suck.  Please, please, please God, I don’t need to win the lottery, just put me to sleep now.
• Maybe if I count sheep.  But what kind of sheep?  Animated sheep or real sheep?  Does it matter?  Should they be jumping over a fence or should I just count them in general, perhaps grazing in a pasture – oh wait, do sheep graze or is that cows?  Should I count cows?  Oh God, I am going insane due to sleep deprivation.
• #4 has an irregular snore pattern.  Should I be worried about that?
• To-Do List:  Sleep.  Wake Up with Alarm.  Don’t press Snooze.  Pray for a small miracle that Ever-Patient has a cancellation and can take #2 to school tomorrow.  Have a coffee.  Clean kitchen.  Have a coffee.  Bake muffins.  Hae a coffee.  Send important emails.  Have a coffee.  Volunteer.  Now my anxiety levels are going up.  No more to-do list.  Sleep dammit!
• We should cancel cable.
• Don’t look at the clock.  Don’t do it.  It will make you cry to see the time.  But then again, if it’s not as late as you think, it may make you feel better and relax you a bit which will help you fall asleep.  But if it’s been a few hours since you last look, you’re screwed.  I am not a gambler.  I don’t look.  Ok, I tell myself, maybe only 20 minutes have gone by.  But then I notice that I have left my drapes open…Crap, I can see the sky growing lighter.
• I have to pee but #5 is fast asleep right up against me.  If I make any sudden moves, he will wake up to nurse again.  He’s been going through a growth spurt and nursing often again throughout the night.  How long can I hold it?  Decisions, decisions.  If I go relieve myself, he will wake up and I will end up nursing and not sleeping.  Or, I can hold it and not sleep because I have to pee.  Can’t a girl get a break?  I end up doing some ninja-type stealth moves, contracting every muscle in my body, to get up without moving him – kind of like that game Pick-Up Sticks where you can’t move any other stick when you try to pick up one stick?  That was me.  I going crazy.
• Don’t forget the trip form for #2.
• Did I RSVP yet for that party?
• #1 is turning 13 in about 10 days…don’t think about it, you’ll start to cry.
• I really should be doing laundry.  I have about 8 loads?…don’t think about it, you’ll start to cry.
• Think about things you are grateful for…that always makes you feel less crazy anxious.  I am grateful for the usual suspects – the kids, Ever-Patient, my parents, blah, blah, blah.  I’m too friggin’ tired for this.
• #3 is coughing again.  We forgot to refill the humidifier in their room.  Should I wake Ever-Patient to go and do it?  Misery does love company.  No, I can’t do that to him.  Wow, I should totally win Wife-of-the-Year Award.  (I look over at his silhouette – 2 kids away from me.)  He just doesn’t know how good he has it.  Oh God.  Why do I now have this overwhelming urge to wake him up right now?  Think of something else…I’m losing my mind.
• How many ways can I re-configure the basement?
• I actually like the quiet in the still of the night.
• Maybe if I spend the next few minutes meditating and focus on my breathing, I’ll fall asleep.  IN….OUT….IN….OUT…. I should really do yoga again.  Back to my breath.  IN….OUT…. Not working.  Screw yoga.
• *Yawn*  OMG.  My eyes are getting heavy!  I think I’m drifting.  *Yawn*  This is it….  Then I hear, “Ding Dong Ding Dong” – Ever-Patient’s bloody alarm.  Are you kidding me?  Then, I feel a tiny hand looking for the boob and another looking for an arm to pinch.

I end up falling back asleep around 5:30am and sleep until 8:30am – miracle of miracles, Ever-Patient has a cancellation and is able to take #2 to school so I can stay in bed with #4 and #5.  Their deep sleeps are from 5:30-9:30am.  Of course.  I make it through day largely due to caffeine and from cold bursts of air from the outdoors.

And now, as I get ready for another night of interrupted sleep and meandering thoughts, I imagine life in 10 years.  A life where my sleepless nights will be due to wondering where my children are, who they are with, and if they are ok.  A life where I won’t have the luxury of having them all sleep under my roof.  A life where I will miss every “pinchie” (what #4 calls it when she pinches my arm), where I will miss the closeness during nursing, where I will miss the occasional call for me or Ever-Patient during the night to come sleep with them.

When I cannot fall back asleep tonight, I won’t let my thoughts lead me to that crazy place of “shoulds” and “to-do’s.”  I will simply get up and go and kiss each child, and maybe snuggle for a few minutes with each.  I will whisper “I love you’s” and happy wishes.  I will stroke their heads and comb their hair with my fingers.  I will re-tuck them in.  I will remember the first night I had with each of them when they were born.  I will kiss their little (and big) heads.  I will enjoy the pinchies.  I will hold #5 tight and cherish the feedings as they will soon end.

I will fall asleep in peace knowing all my children are safe and sound in their beds having wonderful childish dreams.

There’s always coffee, right?

What has possibly been going on in our lives to warrant a complete fall-off-the-face-of-the-earth type disappearance from the bloggity-blog world?

Well, since I am a fan of lists, here is a list-form snapshot of the last 6 months of my life…(and in no particular order):

1. #5 had 2 visits to Sick Kids (local children’s hospital) in the span of 6 months.  First, he had a brief stay for pneumonia and then we returned to the hospital when he broke his leg. (So it was actually 3 visits since we had to return to get his cast off.)
   

   The boy slept as they put his cast on.

2. We are homeschooling #1.
3. We are partially homeschooling #2 and #3.
4. I am currently co-chairing a school committee and I am a volunteer coordinator for #2′s class.
5. I also volunteer in the class room and am part of the parent lice squad.
6. We have been going on bi-weekly nature hikes at a local conservation area.  Yes, even in -20 degree weather.  And yes, while carrying #5 in the wrap and #4 pulled in a toboggan some days and other days, encouraging her to keep going even though she wants to quit 5 minutes into the hike. I say to her, “We’re almost done.  Trust me, this is good for your character.” To which she responds with a look that could overthrow and subdue any foreign dictator (which I think she was in a past life).  This brings me to #4…
7. #4 has been dealing with anger management issues.  (Me to Ever-Patient: “Do you think it’s possible our 3 year old is experiencing early PMS rage?”)  Just the other day, for no reason, she said to #3: “I don’t love you.”  At which point #3 began to cry and mid-tear, replied, “Why do you say things to make my heart drop?”  #4 took her own hand and what seemed to be a tender gesture, placed it gently over top #3′s heart and said, “It’s not dropping.  I feel it.  It’s right there. And, I still don’t love you!”  What do I do with that?
8. Oh, and she is still sleeping in our bed.  She has decided that she will move out of our room when she is 6 years old.  We have adopted the “Sleep and Move” method where we let her fall asleep in our bed and then move her once she is in her deep sleep.  Most nights she stays with her sisters.  If you ask what makes her happy, she will tell you “Pinchies.”  This is what she calls what she does to my arm as she falls asleep at night.  We’ve tried a couple of times to have her fall asleep on her own in our bed.  One night, she had kept calling for me to come upstairs for pinchies.  I kept saying that I would be right there and told her to lie down.  I was hoping she would fall asleep on her own and forget about me.   After about 10 minutes, she called down to say to come up and see how she “decorated our bed.”  Here is what I found:
   

   That is my headboard covered in Post-it drawings. I am still finding hidden Post-It drawings in my room.

9. I’m also managing #1′s club volleyball team that Ever-Patient is coaching.  We organized a fundraiser in the Fall.  Unfortunately, all 7 of us became sick that week with the flu.  Good times.
10. I bake at least once a day.  I am trying not to buy packaged snacks for the kids’ school and after-school snacks.  Sweet potato muffins seem to be their favourite lately although today I was too tired to bake this morning and the kids were supremely disappointed that they had to take yogurt for snack.  I know, I know.  I have set a VERY dangerous precedent which may eventually lead to a nervous breakdown.
11. I am a sewing maniac.  I have made:  pencil cases galore, a bag, a top for myself, a dress for #2, a Red Riding Hood Halloween cape for #4 (though she came close to causing the aforementioned breakdown by almost changing her mind about her costume after I spent 4 hours making the cape), a half-finished Christmas quilt, leg warmers, and pillow cases.  Special thanks goes to the sewing goddess, Barb, for her patience and helpful tidbits as she guided me through all my projects.
12. Our basement is under construction.  Water damage…need I say more?  It will be a month (at least) before we regain our much-needed play area/office area/sewing area/storage area/family movie night area/sleepover area/play date area.
    

    Our basement.

13. #5 turned 1 in October and I forgot to do a post.  We were just so grateful he was in good health and that he has become such an important part of our family.  He loves balls (especially his own), bubbles, baths, balloons, and smacking people. He says “Bop!” when he smacks.
14. We turned one wall in our house into a large chalkboard.  Taking into account how much it cost to paint, it is the one decorative project that has probably returned the greatest value.  #3 is making grocery lists and writing sentences on it.  #4 is writing letters and playing solitary tic tac toe (no one will dare compete against her).  #2 is figuring out math problems.  #1 is doing her evening and morning to-do lists.  #5 scribbles and erases, scribbles and erases, and scribbles and erases.  I’ve also instituted “Question of the Week” where I post an open-ended question each week and the kids are free to answer right on the board.  Our question this week:  ”What make you happy?”  Seeing the kids’ answers like “spending time with family,” “clean house,” “scones,” “homeschooling,” has helped me keep things in perspective.
    

    The Board.

15. I have finally incorporated regular exercise as a part of my weekly routine.  I started working out exactly a year ago and have been able to maintain my goal size without watching what I eat.  I am happy that as time constrained as I am, I can still fit in soccer and my workouts during the week.  I’m glad that the girls see me working out as a means to maintain energy and strength instead of being linked to aesthetics.  I love that they can occasionally see me eat half a chocolate cake guilt-free.
16. I have been consciously incorporating the kids into the daily grind of life.  They are heavily involved in the whole process of meal preparation – they accompany me to the grocery store and help with cooking and cleanup.  The kids are responsible for their own spaces and help with the general up-keep of the house.  Sometimes this is more time-consuming but I believe that the long-term effects will be worth it.
    

    #3 with her handwritten list at the grocery store (where she knows everyone on a first-name basis).

    

    #3 trying to find "cod."

    

    #3 helping to bread fish and make sweet potato fries.

17. Ever-Patient and I are constantly nurturing closeness between the kids.  By making the conscious choice to shut off technology during the week until after they are in bed or until the weekend hits, the kids play with each other and create different worlds and personas.  Especially with #1 home, we have created a very peaceful rhythm in our household.  Peaceful doesn’t mean quiet.  There’s a creative and playful buzz with the exception of #4 screaming, “You’re evil!” once and awhile.  (To which I asked, “Do you even know what evil means?”  #4:  ”Like a scary monster.”  Me:  ”Well, yes, a scary monster can be evil.  But calling someone evil is very hurtful.”  #4:  ”Can I just call her a scary monster then?”  Baby steps, right?)
18. We have gone skating A LOT!  As some of you know, for the last 8 years, I have either been pregnant or have had a small child attached to me through the winter.  And since skating is the one thing that I can do that Ever-Patient cannot, I have been taking the 4 girls out skating.  Though by the time I lace them all up, I am ready for a nap.  Skating and our nature hikes force me out of the house on a cold winter’s day and it gets the kids excited about being outdoors during the winter.
19. One-on-one time with all the kids is a constant priority in our house.  We have knitted, watched movies, sewed, had hot chocolate, read books and cuddles, told stories, saw plays, skated, flipped through J. Crew and Anthropologie catalogues, baked, and spent quiet mornings on the couch watching the snow fall.
20. In the last 6 months, Ever-Patient and I have gone out to dinner twice but have had a million conversations in the car.

In a nutshell, I’ve been busy.  We’ve been busy .  Documenting has taken a back seat to late night sewing ventures and early morning baking and exercising.  I’ve been filling my time with new adventures with and without the kids.  I’m pretty sure that we’ve laughed more than we’ve cried.  We’ve danced more than we’ve fought.  We’ve loved more than we’ve hurt…well, at least 6 out of 7 of us have.

This photo and blog banner courtesy of  Dawn Alexander Photography.

Happy New Year.

January 1st has always signified a new beginning, a fresh start, and just plain old-fashioned hope.  For some reason, I have always had this romantic notion that at the stroke of midnight, I could hit this magnificent – yet albeit imaginary – reset button. Every December 31st, I feel overwhelmed by the weight of the holiday season and the accompanying dramas and debt incurred – holiday hangover.  Then 24 hours later, balance and hope become restored in the galaxy and the cup is now half full.  I then resolve to become more organized, lose those last 10 pounds, and vow to not sweat the small stuff.  Then another 24 hours pass and it’s Jan 2, and I’ve had a couple cupcakes and have lost my patience with the children trying to get them into a routine before they go back to school.  Resolutions – bah!  I’m lucky if I get through the month keeping those idealistic promises I made to myself, of course not telling anyone about them for fear that I would be held accountable.

This New Year is different.

We spent New Year’s Eve at home – just the 7 of us in our pajamas, eating grapes (traditionally seen as good luck in our culture) and drinking some orange fizzy ginger ale type drink that the kids concocted.  We toasted and laughed.  The kids bounced off the walls after one sip of their pretend-champagne and played so well together.  At one point, we were all fixated on getting #5 to walk and beat his current record of 5 steps.  It was so simple and was like any other normal night we might have together except that the kids were up until midnight.  I felt so blessed and serene and grateful.  Happiness at its purest.  Then it hit me.  I don’t need a marker of time to feel hopeful or inspired.  Anything can happen at any given moment.  Whether I resolve to change a habit now or a month from now, the intention to change is enough and I can “intend” to do anything at any point in time.  I can’t tell  you how liberating this thought is – that the awareness of my intention is enough.  I WANT to be better.  AND!!!… it’s ok if sometimes I am and sometimes I’m not.

As I said, I don’t need a marker of time to signal a change in myself.  However, I do honour tradition.  Each year for the last 3 years, I have had a theme word for the entire year.

This is my word for 2011:

PEACE.

And the good old Serenity Prayer will be my guide :

Dear Lord,

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Amen.

Finding peace/being at peace in every quiet and chaotic moment – quite a lofty goal.  #3 constantly reminds me (especially when I’m driving), “Peaceful hearts lead to peaceful hands and peaceful words.”  I’m sure I will fail miserably but to just be aware of the intention to be at peace makes me feel peace.  I can’t explain this little circular cause and effect but it just is.

Another tradition I’ve started is that we all write letters to ourselves on Jan 1 which we open on the next Jan 1.  In the letters, we write where we are now, our favourite things, and what we want to do this year or what we wish for ourselves.  The kids then trace their hand on the back of the paper and put the letter in an envelope.  We seal them and place it in a safe place to be opened next year.  This is the first year #3 could write her own letter and the first year #4 clearly understood the activity – she dictated everything she wanted to say and I was her scribe.  I love this activity which teaches them how to both reflect and document, 2 very important skills that I think will help them dig deeper as they grow older and truly know themselves.

***

Goodbye 2010.

You were filled with many ups and downs – the downs mostly relating to #5 but did end on an up.  There was less documenting and more adjusting to life with 5 children.  There was less creating and more doing and learning.  There was less time spent with Ever-Patient alone and more family time.  There was less stress and anxiety and more exhalation.  There was less bonding between #2 and #3 and a little more bonding between #3 and #4 (sometimes a little too much).  There was less conversation with #1 and way too many one-way lectures at to her.  There was less worry about frivolous things and more feelings of gratitude for healthy children.

So, 2011, what do you have in store for us?

Hello out there.

Not sure if there are many of you still coming back to check on this bloggity-blog of mine.  Thank you to those who have sent those “Is everything ok?” emails.

Lots to catch up on.  In short, we’re all good.  Blogging has taken a backseat to a lot of good things and a lot of crazy things.

And as you can see, I am re-vamping things around my little world here to get ready to just jump back into sharing my observations, random thoughts, and helpful tidbits.  (Actually, Ever-Patient has missed my posts so he decided to get the ball rolling by switching things up and lure me back in by telling me how pretty we can make this…he knows me too well.)

With a sleeping baby on my lap (who is recovering from pneumonia) and the almost inaudible sounds of children waking up, I can’t delve into the details of the happenings of the last 3 months.  To sum up: lots of “doing.” Lots and lots.  So much so that December will be spent ‘reflecting” and “being” with spots of focused “doing.”

And one by one they come down the stairs in 5 minute intervals and snuggle beside me on the couch in silence as I conclude this post.  The first two race downstairs to get a spot beside me.  They wait patiently.  The big One is still asleep in her room as she is at that age where she sleeps until noon.  One is nursing,  One is pinching my arm.  One has buried her face in my other arm.  One is smiling and is bursting to say something.  I turn to them, kiss them all, and say, “Good Morning, my babies.”  They know that this is the signal for the quiet early morning silence to be broken and for the day to begin.

The One bursting to say something with the energy of a true Tigger, immediately blurts out,  “Where’s Dad?! And What’s for breakfast?!”

I take a deep breath, put aside all the thoughts and ideas that I’ve wanted to share here, like I’ve done all these months, and respond gently, “He’s at work.  What would you like to eat?”

I say a little prayer that she’ll ask for Cheerios and milk and of course she says, “Eggs and pancakes! Oh, and do we have sausage?”

See you soon.