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project gratitude: day thirty-seven.

project gratitude day 37

I am grateful for days when I am unsure, when life can’t be solved with a tidy algebraic equation.

Tonight I was at a birthday party where there were lots of littles squealing and running around.  My children were now the “big kids.”  I watched my cousins take care of their little ones – feeding them, changing them.  I watched my children play with them and talk to other members of the family.  They can get their own food and don’t need my help going to the bathroom anymore.

And just when I think that they don’t need me anymore, my child comes and sits next to me or gives me a hug as we pass in the hallway. One by one, they sit next to me for brief moments.  Sometimes they chat.  Sometimes they just sit in silence and then leave to go play again.  I wonder if this is how it will always be – a coming and going, a leaving and returning.

When I think I have figured this motherhood thing all out, I am always struck with a large dose of reality.  There’s less clarity about what I should do or be or say as they grow older.  When they ask a question, should I be honest or keep certain things to myself?  How do I show concern without smothering them?There is no prescribed formula.  The only thing that I can do now is sit and wait.  Sit and wait for them to come to me and just loving them even though I may not have the answer.  To fill the space of the known and the unknown for them.

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42 days of gratitude…giving thanks to it ALL.

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