77.

Tonight I feel FULL.

I have just come back from attending the Taproot Teacher Training For Waldorf Homeschoolers in Ohio.

It was a beautiful weekend.  I really don’t have words to describe the magnitude of this experience.  It was a huge learning opportunity through both giving and receiving. As I tried to tell my husband all about it, I could recall only moments of moments: threads of conversation, resonating quotes, meaningful mantras, Steiner teachings,  and the questions. Oh the questions.

On my last day of training, I had an amazing session with Alison Manzer, a seasoned homeschooling mama whose children are almost all grown-up. She basically summed up how to plan your homeschool year by asking yourself one question (and I might be paraphrasing a little here):

How can we teach our children how to ask and answer the “big” questions of humanity with awareness?

And even before that question is asked, you need to ask this of yourself:

How am I going to ask and answer these questions of humanity with awareness?

Answering the second will lead to the first in a natural way.

It comes back to this “striving.”  Letting our children witness ourselves going deeper and “living the questions” with such awareness that answers come when we least expect it.  It is my responsibility to model this self-reflection and awareness so that they may see the importance of this process.

Loving and living the questions.  Staying in the unknown in order to be completely present and not attached to a specific outcome.  Throughout the weekend, words like “spontaneity” and “surprise” and “wonder” were used often.  If we are enthusiastic about these questions, our joy for learning will be infectious.  If our own curiosity permeates the lessons, then our children have a better chance of retention. They will make connections if joy is attached to the memory.

Another piece that I will remember forever is what Jean and Barbara both mentioned at different points in the weekend:

It’s their own path.

And Jean had also added, “No credit, no blame.”  No matter what my children do later in life I will neither take credit nor the blame.  They are on their own path.

I couldn’t attend today’s closing sessions because I wanted to pick our eldest daughter up from the airport today.  After doing the teacher training, I saw our reunion differently. Yes I was relieved that she was home safe from her journey.  But when I saw her, she had changed.  I could see that she would have her own stories to tell or keep.  She had a lightness of someone absolutely in love with the world.   She is there.  She is right there, living the questions with an open heart.  I put my arms around her and held her.  I held her because I missed her and I was happy to have her home again.  But she had grown more than I could have ever imagined.

She had become hope – the thing with feathers.

I held her and thought about how I really like this person in my arms and how proud I am of this young woman that I take no credit for, this young woman on her own path. As I held her, and as I continue to hold her this year, I keep the following Alice Walker quote close to my heart:

Even as I hold you, I am letting you go.

Thank you to all the wonderful people I was able to connect with at Taproot Teacher Training 2015 and a huge thanks for the elder wisdom from Barbara, Jean, and Alison.  This experience allowed me to see that I am always letting them go bit by bit so that they can dig deep for themselves.

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100 scribbles…hurriedly writing the here and now.

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