91.

10 more days left of my 100 scribbles project.

The last 100 days has been filled with SO MUCH that I can’t fit it all in one post and so for the next 10 days, I will highlight one thing about this whole experience that has changed my life.

Today I want to talk about my husband.

Last night we stayed up late assembling IKEA furniture.  Normally, I leave it to him to do on his own in fear of arguing over how best to a) pronounce the name of the piece of furniture b) not lose the Allan key and c) assemble the piece while staying true to the instructions (some of us like to ‘wing it’ much to chagrin of the other person).

This time we did it together with a relaxed atmosphere of cooperation.  I needed to finish my scribbles first which took longer than I thought.  He was patient and although I desperately wanted to bail on him and go to bed, I looked over at him and was hit with an overwhelming sense of gratitude and love. I grabbed the screwdriver and dove in.  He looked very surprised. We chatted, took a break to have ice cream, and fully immersed ourselves in the task at hand.  We even high-fived.

After a full summer of renovations, decluttering (and still more decluttering), travelling, feeling the absence of our eldest, and enjoying sunrises and sunsets, we are closer than ever before. He has been completely supportive of my 100 day project.  Not only has he been supportive, he has taken an interest.  It has sparked honest conversations about our life together.  You would think that after 21 years of being together, we would have run out of things to talk about. But in fact, we can’t stop talking and re-framing past wounds and future hopes. We have both asked for forgiveness and have forgiven.  We have mapped out our dreams.  We have celebrated our life today by sitting in front of the Pacific Ocean feeling overwhelmed with gratitude and abundance.

This project has brought a whole new level of awareness of the other person.

He “compels my strength.”  I agonized over picking up the pencil again to draw.  I was anxious about offering a Book of Hours workshop.  I was afraid that we couldn’t afford for me to sign up for the Taproot Teacher Training earlier this month and that our money should probably go elsewhere.  But his response was exactly the same as his reaction to my spontaneous trip to Mexico in June, he said and consistently says, “Go for it.”

Today I say to my loving husband,

Thank you.  Thank you for being on this journey with me, parallel paths that always seem to end up going in the same direction, sometimes intersecting and sometimes winding away from each other.  Through trusting you and believing in you, I have found parts of myself that I didn’t know existed. In your quiet strength and patience, you give me courage to be myself, to live out loud, to give, and to listen.  These last 91 days have rocked our worlds in the best possible way.  Thank you for being patient as I take my time to draw a mountain and copy an 8 stanza poem while dinner is waiting for me at the table.  Thank you for for the silent car rides where I am lost in my scribbles.  Thank you for staying up beside me, as I finish my scribble with minutes to spare.  Thank you for honouring my process because through it, you show the children that you respect and value what I do.  Thank you for listening to my epiphanies and wiping away the tears of gratitude and complete joy of where I am now, always telling me that I deserve to be happy.  Thank you for helping me see that I have outgrown my hard shell that I have protected myself in for most of my life.

I love you now more than ever.”

***

100 scribbles…hurriedly writing the here and now.

#100scribbles