on adolescence: part four.

Last night I went to the opening gala to a conference I attended today and tomorrow.

D’bi Young Anitafrika delivered a powerful poem, one of many moving performances from various artists, to kick off the event.

There were two lines in the poem that summed up what I wanted to share in this post.  Two lines that pretty much described the biggest challenge I have had entering this next stage of motherhood – a mother to adolescent children.

Two lines that sum up what I am feeling as I watch the news tonight, make phone calls, and pray and pray and pray.

I cannot love you fearlessly.  

But I can love you courageously.

There is a lot that they don’t put in the parenting manuals.  And tonight is one of them.  I was actually planning to write about the fear – the biggest challenge of parenting in adolescence.  The nights that I wake up in a panic that I didn’t do enough to prepare her.  The absolute fear and helplessness that you feel as you send your child out into the world.  The paralyzing fear a parent has when life unfolds out of their control.

And then this.

She is ok.  She tells me on the phone, “I am good Mom.”  She is calm and clear.  She is a smart girl.

All I can do is trust in my parenting, have faith that she will be home safe, be grateful to hear her voice, and to continue to love her courageously.