I am grateful for continuing to have faith and to surrender.
For the last two nights, I have surrendered to the unknown. I have faced fears and have walked into situations that leave me breathless.
Yesterday I went rock climbing. My kids climb. I belay them. I don’t climb. I am afraid of heights. Thanks to a supportive (and persistent) friend, I signed up for a class. (I actually did not know what I signed up for which I will talk about in a future post.) The class doesn’t start until November but I thought I should at least climb once before then. I was anxious. I felt every bit of that anxiety without trying to fix it or talk myself out of it. I stopped trying to control the situation and surrendered to the moment. This moment included me climbing to heights that make my heart flutter and trusting my friend that she wouldn’t let me fall. This was the ultimate experiment in surrender. I freaked out a couple of times and then was able to let go and actually enjoy myself.
Tonight, I taught my second Book of Hours Workshop. Another anxious day. I love teaching this workshop. LOVE. But I still get nervous. The inner critic worms its way into the forefront of my thoughts and tells me that I am not qualified to teach, that I have nothing important to say, and that my story doesn’t matter. I watch it natter on and let it go. I have faith that I am supported because I have never felt so passionate about sharing something like this before. If I choose not to step out and be vulnerable through teaching this workshop, my creativity will no longer flow. I know this to be true.
I have never felt more creative or produced this amount of creative output before in my life. I believe it’s because I surrender to the natural stream of things, whenever I am afraid. In the past, I tried to control the outcome to allay my fears (which really only strengthened the fear). Now I say YES even if I am scared – scared of heights, scared of open water, scared of what people think, scared of failing. The more I say YES, the more creative I am.
A year ago, if you told me that I would hop on a plane to Mexico with a few week’s notice, surf in the Pacific Ocean, climb a 30 ft wall, and teach a workshop with a meditative slant from a place of complete joy and inner peace, I wouldn’t believe you. I have been afraid to let go of control. But now that I have surrendered to the ebb and flow of life itself, less concerned about outcome but enjoying every step of the process, my creative energy is abundant.
I am grateful for another class of amazing people. Thank you for your open hearts. Thank you for listening. Thank you for beginning this journey with me.
42 days of gratitude…giving thanks to it ALL.
Another intro Book of Hours Workshop is scheduled for Tuesday, October 27 from 7-9pm. Email me for more info or to register: firstname.lastname@example.org