Disclaimer: My quote choice today does not reflect a pro-bullfighting opinion. I am commenting on the quote that directs attention to what is happening within the arena.
I am grateful for the pause.
Sometimes the pause is forced. Sometimes it is self-imposed.
This morning, my husband and I sat at the beach just before the sunrise (which technically happened behind the clouds) and watched and listened to this spectacle:
It was abrasive and almost violent. No pauses. An overlapping cacophony of crashes and booms. But I couldn’t help feel a visceral reaction, a stirring, a quickening. After many minutes, I wanted to hit the pause button. I needed a respite from the onslaught. I was smothered by the constant fluctuation with no ending.
As a mother, I have felt times where I thought there would be no pause, constantly bombarded with needs and requests. But eventually, the pause comes. It always comes. I am grateful for the pause: the moment that sick child is finally asleep, even if only for a few minutes; the space between breaths as you contemplate your next move; the brief silence as everyone buries their heads in their foods, famished from a day out; the waiting in the car for children to finish their programs or appointments. Today I sat at our dining table watching all my children have lunch together. They were laughing at brother’s jokes. It was a pause. I was able to sit back and watch it all, a silent spectator enjoying my outside seat.
At other times, I am the bull finding my querencia. This comes from the Spanish verb “querer.” According to wikipedia, Querencia “describes a place from which one’s strength of character is drawn, a place where one feels at home.”
My refuge and renewal come from writing here and completing my Book of Hours. I pause. I drop everything and recharge because nothing else matters if I lose my strength or give my power up. In that pause, I can choose again. I can choose to take more time. I can choose to say sorry. I can choose to shut my mouth. I can choose to hug instead of holler. I can choose to live with the unanswered question. I can choose to breathe and stay in that tiny pause between breaths. I can just break long enough to find what I thought was missing and to return to centre.
What do you do to pause and reclaim your strength?
42 days of gratitude…being grateful for it ALL.