I am grateful that I am fine when my husband is away on business trips.
My husband is probably sitting in his hotel room feeling a little slighted reading this right now but he shouldn’t. I love him more than I ever have especially because I can be happy and fulfilled even if he is miles away.
Don’t get me wrong. I miss him. We’ve connected in deeper ways over the last months where we find ourselves talking for hours sometimes not even mentioning the kids once. But when he leaves, I am happy for both of us.
Over the last few years, my husband has been travelling a little more. When the kids were a little younger, it was difficult. I called on my parents and his parents for a lot of help with food and sleepovers. While he was gone, my husband, the Ever-patient One, would want to FaceTime or talk on the phone each night and I would just be so bitter and resentful that I couldn’t stomach small talk about my day or what the kids were up to.
Now I see and appreciate him so much more when I am alone. A couple of days ago, he wrote an amazing email to his list. He was honest and vulnerable. When I read it, I knew it was difficult for him to do. He didn’t tell me about it. I read it in my inbox, just like everyone else. He came clean with recent challenges and struggles. I read the email and immediately thought how grateful I am that we are “the guardians of each other’s solitude.” We give each other the space and room to step away and through this trust, we also give each other the strength to open up. Through our mutual support of each other as individuals experiencing whatever they need to experience, without carrying any resentment of judgement from the past, we are both able to be completely vulnerable.
I now trust that my husband is where he needs to be. And right now, it’s Austin, Texas, doing his thing. And my place is right here holding down the fort and continuing the journey into myself so that when he returns, we can meet each other as whole and complete beings once again.
42 days of gratitude…giving thanks to it ALL.